literary masochism: i am too old for this shit

I have not purchased a copy of Alternative Press magazine since early high-school. By that time, I had already adopted the “I listen to Glassjaw, and thus, I am above you and allowed to insult your dilettante taste in music on this here Internet forum freely” aesthetic. The appearances of any metalcore band I deemed…

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i no longer have sex but i do hunt nazis

Girls, usually those younger than me (so around how old I was when most of the debauchery chronicled in TATMWCMD took place), just love to tell me their whorror stories. I don’t mind it: I branded myself and showed it off to everyone like a new tattoo, and it’s probably best that they do not…

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TATMWCMD B-SIDES: why it may be a smart move to have two pairs of pants

Shackled in literary magazine purgatory, I’ve exchanged my exhaustive search for mediums to send my work to for writing an essay a day, mostly about nothing, for I don’t do anything.  Yesterday, I ate pizza for dinner (pepperoni, because a knack for self-harm doesn’t go away overnight). I learned that my mother has been cutting…

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TATWCMD B-SIDES: now kindly undo these straps

The two best parts about getting your period revolve around the guaranteed respite from men.  The first is obvious: you are not carrying a child and thus, run no risk of potentially being forced to tolerate the man you’ve had a couple weeks of fun with for approximately the next 18 years (but maybe less…

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